The Mutant Dating Game
by Queen of Gambitia Minion
Summary: Jean and Kitty decide to help Rogue with her love life. Oneshot, contains Romy, Rietro, and Scogue. EDIT: I decided to write more crappy fanfic and so give you more chapters!


**The author, Minion, would like to take a moment to give you this important message:**

**THIS IS NOT MEANT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY!!!! **

**It is full of clichés and Romy, Scogue, and Rietro bashing!! I don't even think it's written all that well!!!**

**Basic summary- Kitty and Jean decide to help Rogue with her love life!! Um…yes. This is the final battle between Romy, Scogue, and Rietro!!!**

**This takes place after 'Stuff of Villains', but before 'Dark Horizons'. Just because I'm that weird. And I don't know why Rogue doesn't know Remy's name. She just…doesn't. In fact, how did the X-Men LEARN the Acolyte's names?? Ever wonder that??? Well, I have, because I have no life!!!**

**"Talking (duh)"**

**_[telepathic talking]_**

**_Thoughts_**

----------

One day Rogue was walking to school. All of her little X-Men-y friends were walking to school with her, despite the fact that Scott normally drove them to school. Unfortunately, Scott's car had been totaled by Kitty in a bizarre freak accident involving pudding and lots of Jell-O. So they walked.

Unbeknownst to them, Gambit was watching them from the tree above their heads. He was really only there to gaze longingly at Rogue, but he couldn't deny that Kitty had a pretty nice ass too. And he DID like red-heads. Heck, he liked females in general, because that's just who our lovely little Gambit is.

Meanwhile, the Brotherhood was bumming about the school grounds because they had gotten suspended or something. Oh wait…they had been expelled by Principal Kelly. This had made them somewhat angry, and they were annoying Kelly by being almost-just-not-quite on the school property they had been banned from. Kelly was stewing in his office and muttering nasty dark things about mutants, all-the-while contemplating calling the police.

Back to the X-Men. Jean and Scott were flirting, like Jean and Scott tend to do, and Rogue was looking at them longingly. Ah, the burdens of never being able to touch. And of having the boy you were crushing on love another.

Rogue thought about all the boys she knew. Scott. So wonderful and handsome and leader-ish…and in love with Jean!! _Damn Jean!!_ Rogue thought loudly. Jean kinda twitched slightly and Rogue remembered to use her inside mental voice so Jean wouldn't learn of Rogue's utmost hatred of her. Not that Rogue really cared.

Rogue forced herself to focus on boys, not realizing how Kitty-like she was being. Ah, the poor girl. Anywho, Rogue thought of all the possible boys she could date. _Evan? Nah, he's icky,_ Rogue though (being careful to not let Jean hear this time),_ Kurt? Eww, he's my brother for crying out loud!! Berserker? No, too young…although that hair is pretty cool…Cannonball? Too much of a country-boy…Multiple? WAY too young. And Sunspot's too arrogant…so is Iceman._ Rogue paused, realizing she was out of boys. Then she got an idea as they X-Men walked up to the school and saw the Brotherhood boys. _Who says I can't have a bad boy?_

Rogue considered the BH boys. Toad was too much like an annoying little brother…somewhat like Kurt. Lance was a stupid prick and besides, he and Kitty were going out.

Freddy was definitely out, as Rogue's imagination conjured some very sick images of Freddy naked.

That left Pietro, and although he was arrogant and obnoxious, he _was_ kinda cute. Rogue didn't really know him all that well, seeing as how he had joined the Brotherhood just after she left it.

Rogue sighed, as she was getting nothing.

Then another thought struck her. That's right; it came up and hit her right between the eyes. Scott blasted it because he always looks out for his fellow mutants. Then Rogue went back to thinking.

What about Magneto's crew? Now THERE were some real hotties! Too bad she didn't know any of their names…oh well. The fire-wielding-boy was cute and looked lovable enough, but he also looked slightly insane. Rogue wrote him off. Then there was Sabertooth…Rogue refused to even CONSIDER that one. That would be like loving Logan or Xavier or something…

The metal-skinned boy was…well, Rogue was pretty indifferent about him. And then there was trench-coat-explosion boy. The one who'd tried to kill her. Rogue was pretty sure she hated him…but she couldn't deny that he WAS gorgeous. Rogue wrote him off as another damn pretty-boy.

Meanwhile, Jean was 'hearing' all of Rogue's thoughts, despite Rogue's best efforts to prevent them, and felt rather sorry for her. So Jean hatched a plan. And evil, twisted, diabolical plan. But not really, because this is Jean and Jean is not evil.

----------

"Kitty?" Jean asked as she knocked on said person's door, "Could you come out here for a second? I need your help with something."

"Like, sure Jean. What's up?" Kitty asked.

"Well, I'm feeling really sorry for Rogue. She just can't seem to find a man!"

"Like, tell me about it. She keeps giving me these, like, dirty looks when I, like, call Lance! I think she's, like, jealous or something," Kitty remarked.

"I know. And I have an idea," Jean said. She then proceeded to lean over and whisper the plan into Kitty's ear, despite the fact that she's a telepath and could just as easily used her freaky mental powers to tell Kitty.

"That's, like, a totally great idea! But how do we decide what boys to pick?" Kitty asked.

"Well, Rogue has a major crush on Scott-" Jean began.

"But, like, I thought you were, like, going on with Scott?" Kitty asked.

"Well, Scott would never pick Rogue, it'll be fine," Jean said, "Well…from her thoughts the only other one she really considered was Pietro…and even then it was iffy."

"Well, I guess we'll have to, like, use Pietro. But we need three guys!"

"I know. Well…there was a guy following us to school who really liked Rogue."

"Who?" Kitty asked.

"Gambit. You know, one of Magneto's men, brown trench coat, red eyes?" Jean explained.

"Oh. But how do you know his name?"

"Stole it from his mind."

"I see. Well, we, like, have three guys! Let's go set up!"

----------

Kitty wasn't in the bedroom she and Rogue shared when Rogue stepped in. _ Probably out on a date with Lance…_Rogue thought. Oh well, at least Kitty's absence meant she could take the opportunity to blast her loud, angry, goth-music. Rogue lied on her bed and listened while twitching her foot in time to the music.

She was somewhat startled when Jean's voice suddenly rang in her head.

_[Rogue, I need you to come down here…there's something I want you to see!]_

Rogue sighed. If Jean wanted her to squish another spider, she was toast.

Rogue walked slowly down the stairs towards a bubbly and happy Kitty.

"Come on Rogue, like, hurry up!" Kitty giggled, "It's really important!"

"Kit, what're ya up ta?" Rogue asked, annoyed.

"Just, like, come and see!" Kitty urged.

"Ergh…" Rogue groaned. The pair walked into the living room.

"What the…" Rogue trailed off. The Institute's living room had been decorated with lots of little pink hearts (the kind that would make any goth puke) and a half-wall of ice separated the room. A stool stood next to the ice wall. Evan walked up to Rogue with his video camera.

"And here's the star of our show, the ever-lovely Rogue!" he said.

"Cut the crap, porcupine, what's goin' on?" Rogue demanded.

"Like, the, like, Mutant Dating Game!" Kitty giggled. Rogue stared at her.

"No," Rogue said, then turned to walk out.

_[Now Rogue…everyone worked really hard on this! It's just a stupid game!] _Jean sent her as she used her telepathy to pull Rogue onto the stool.

"'Xactly, it's jus' a dumb game!" Rogue exclaimed, "An' Ah ain't doin' it!"

"Come on Rogue!" Evan pleaded.

"Yeah, like, please?" Kitty asked.

"Ugh…fahne! But don't expect meh t' like it!" Rogue capitulated.

"Great! And, like, here we go!" Kitty exclaimed.

"Alright Rogue, the game works like this: I'll give you a list of questions and you'll ask the questions to the three mystery men behind the wall Bobby provided us with," Jean explained, "The men answer and you choose which one you like best! Have fun!" Jean handed Rogue a sheet of notebook paper with a bunch of questions on it.

"Ah don' believe Ah agreed ta this…" Rogue looked at the list, "'If I were a fish how would you cook me?!!!' What the hell IS this crap?!!"

"Rogue, if you, like, watched the show, you'd know that that's how the, like, questions are!" Kitty said, "And now the guys gotta, like, answer! Mystery Man #1!"

"Umm…I'm allergic to fish…" a mysterious voice that sounded a lot like Scott's said.

"I'd fry it because that's the quickest way to cook a fish and I don't wanna wait because I'm really fast!! You here that, Rougie?!! I'm really really fast!!!" another voice answered.

"Cajun style o' course, but I'd prefer if I didn' have t' cook m' chéri," the third voice answered.

"This is stupid! Ah know that numbah 1's Scott, two's Pietro, an'…well, Ah don' know the third, but Ah bet it's some stupid guy yah paid to come 'ere!" Rogue ranted.

"I'm stupid, chéri, if dat's how y' want it," number three said.

"Shut up!!" Rogue yelled at him.

"Well, um…" Jean stammered, "Shall we just pretend you can't tell who is who?"

"No, Ah'm goin' right to the choosin'!" Rogue declared, "None o' them!!! Mah love life is none of y'alls' business!"

"Alright…" Jean said.

Just then, Logan burst in.

"Why do I smell Quicksilver an' one of Magneto's guys here?" he demanded.

"Um…because we were trying to get Rogue a guy?" Evan said.

"NO ONE TOUCHES ROGUE!!!" Logan yelled before launching himself at the wall and shattering.

"Ah know no one can touch meh, do ya gotta rub it in?!!" Rogue yelled very soap-opera-ish-ly, before running up to her room (so no one would see her crying.)

Meanwhile, Logan was attacking the three men Jean and Kitty had picked out for Rogue. Quicksilver and Gambit were running for the door, and, because he was super-fast, Pietro almost made it. Almost. He tripped on a piece of the rug that was scrunched up and went flying. Logan immediately jumped him and started pummeling him.

"You stay away from Rogue!" Logan snarled. Gambit, seeing the carnage, ran even faster, and actually made it out the door before Logan caught him and started beating up him too.

Once the two bad guys were taken care of, Logan went over to the cowering Scott and knocked him over the head.

"Stay with Jean," Logan commanded before leaving to go do Logan-things.

----------

Magneto was having a nice glass of wine when there was a knock at the door.

_Now who could that be? _he wondered. He opened the door to find a pair of bloody and bruised henchman. Well, one of them was his son, but that didn't really matter.

"What happened?" he growled.

"Ugh…" was the reply from one of them (Magneto couldn't tell which), before they dropped dead.

"Well, I'll no longer allow my lackeys to go on the Mutant Dating Game," Magneto muttered, "Much too dangerous, like most of reality TV."

----------

**That was really stupid!!! Oh well, I've never gotten a flame before…I bet that'd be fun!! As long as it's not N…because N is a scary genius. You all should go see her work at Origin of Species. Great site. Just so long as I'M not on the Wall of Rants!! **

**HAHA!!! No one wins!!!! I really like Romy but there's too many badly written ones out there…which really ruins it for me, but every so often a good one comes by and makes it up.**

**  
Review. I like fire.**

**Disclaimer- I'll turn him into a flea, a harmless little flea. Then I'll put him in a box and I'll put that box in another box and then I'll mail it to myself and when it arrives!!!...I'll smash it with a hammer!!! BWUAAHAHAAA!!!! Or, to save on postage, I'll just poison him with THIS!!!!**


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